


Better Halves

by melonbutterfly



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-16
Updated: 2009-08-16
Packaged: 2017-10-12 23:45:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melonbutterfly/pseuds/melonbutterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A well-known actor publicly outs himself as gay; it gives Chris the idea that they could do the same. Zach isn't sure he really agrees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Halves

**Author's Note:**

> For this (http://community.livejournal.com/trek_rpf_kink/1765.html?thread=1944293#t2022885) prompt from the trek_rpf_kink meme.

That morning, Zach was woken up by a very excited Chris. Or rather, he was woken up by his mobile ringing and it was Chris calling him.

"Zach, Zach, you won't believe it! Guess what happened!"

He let a long silence speak for him while he blinked and tried to come to terms with being awake. Absently he wondered why Chris was already awake; usually he slept longer. Not longer than Zach, but eight o'clock on a Saturday morning was definitely not normal for Chris.

"Zach, you have to guess! It's so cool!"

Inwardly groaning, he capitulated; apparently, Chris was too excited to catch his subtle vibes of 'you woke me up too early and I can't think besides I didn't even so much as think of coffee yet, how can you expect sensible thoughts from me?'.

"Chris, it's eight o'clock. Mere five minutes ago I was deep asleep. Either you call me in two hours again and I will provide you with a few guesses—though I have no idea what you want to achieve with that, it's not like I'm going to be able to guess it if it's so unbelievable—or you just tell me. Like any other person would. You _are_ aware that 'guess what' is just a figure of speech, yes?"

Chris pouted. He didn't see it, but he _knew_. "You're just grumpy, besides the fact that you're able to form such elaborated sentences and use a wider range of vocabulary than a normal half asleep person would proves that you had at least seven hours of sleep already." For a few seconds, he was silent, but then his excitement took over again. "Okay I'll tell you: Orlando Bloom is gay!"

After another couple of seconds silence, Zach realised that that was the exciting message; he had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Well. Great. That's… great."

"Zach," Chris sighed, sounding honestly disappointed. "You could be a little bit more enthusiastic, you know."

"Why? I mean, it's not like I know the guy personally or like it will have any effect on my life."

"It's not? Oh. Well, in that case don't let me keep you from sleeping any longer. Bye."

Before Zach could even open his mouth, the line went dead; his groan as he realised what this had really been on about went unheard.

Twenty minutes later he was sitting on his kitchen counter, freshly showered and sipping a cup of coffee. That going-public thing had showed the potential of becoming an issue early on in their relationship; Chris had been bothered from the beginning that he couldn't kiss Zach in public, hold his hand or even just look at him like he was his boyfriend, even though he too had been of the opinion that they should keep it secret. At first. Zach had thought that was because Chris agreed with him on the subject; Zach just wasn't ready for the fuss, for the reaction of the public and its after-effects. They thought the paparazzi were bad now? Well, with their going public with their relationship they'd need to employ bodyguards to keep the guys off them; they probably would have to move too, into a house with a big, big garden with big walls and fences and high-tech security just to get something remotely resembling privacy. Besides, Zach just didn't want to be hailed the revolutionary gay poster boy; not that he had any problem with being homosexual and he did not like prop 8 one bit, but that didn't mean he wanted or was ready to become involving in politics, and that'd inevitably happen one way or another. He—they both—would suddenly be loved and hated by a lot more people to way higher extent than right now, and Zach had no illusions; it would most certainly affect their career as well. He just wasn't ready for all that.

But when they had talked about it, Chris had told him that he hadn't wanted to go public right away because he wanted to keep Zach all for himself; he didn't like the prospect of having every step and motion of their early relationship recorded on paparazzi film and the internet for forever. But after two and a half months, he said he felt safe and secure enough not to hide anymore; their friends and family knew already and in his opinion, there was no reason to continue with the secrecy. That Zach had totally opposed the idea had bothered him, but he hadn't brought the subject up ever since, and so it hadn't really turned into an issue yet.

But it seemed Zach's recreation time was over now; it was obvious that Chris had expected a different reaction from him, maybe the realisation that with Orlando Bloom outing himself—and that _was_ kind of surprising, amazing and very, very brave; Zach respected that decision a great deal—he could do it as well. For Zach personally, though, the fact that the guy was gay had absolutely no effect. Sure, he planned to closely follow the aftermath of that in the mags and fanscene, but he didn't automatically consider following in his footsteps.

Chris, though, apparently did, and they had to talk about it.

But Chris ignored his call, and when he tried again a few minutes later he only got the mailbox. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he left Chris a message to call him back, already suspecting that he wouldn't.

Three days later, the sinking feeling in his stomach had developed into a gnawing roar, very similar to hunger only it was the exact opposite, intermixed with fear and trepidation.

Chris didn't reply. He didn't admit his calls, didn't call back, ignored his text messages and emails, and when Zach had driven to his house earlier that day it was closed and dark, its owner obviously not there.

The worst was, Chris had only told him half of the story; Orland Bloom had not only come out to the public, he had at the same time admitted to his relationship with Jack Davenport. They were happy together and saw no reason to be ashamed of their love, the article had quoted, and when Zach had read that and had realised what Chris apparently thought now—that he was ashamed, maybe embarrassed—for a moment he had felt like he stood one foot from the edge of a bottomless pit, staring down into the gaping blackness.

And Chris didn't reply.

So Zach did the only thing he could think of; he bought a card to the play Chris was currently staging in—he only got one way in the back, where he couldn't see much and certainly wouldn't be seen himself, at least not from the stage, not that he cared about that—sat through it, and afterwards he went backstage, longing and love and lust curling in his stomach—and fear.

He—or rather, they—was famous enough to be immediately led to Chris' dressing room; there was a certain irony in that that was hard to ignore and left a bitter taste in his mouth. In the past three days he had had enough time to think about this; Chris' ignoring him completely had scared him a lot. He had never done that before; sure, they had fought, and everyone needed some distance every now and then, but whenever that happened, they told the other first. Like, "Hey I need some time alone, I'll call you in a couple of days." That was okay, it was normal, both Chris and Zach felt like that sometimes. But Chris had never left without saying anything, generally wasn't someone who kept problems to himself; that he had not followed this principle of his spoke volumes about how serious this situation was to him. That Zach had failed to realise that until now was worrying, to say the least.

And it was true, Zach didn't really want to go public, but if it meant so much to Chris he would do it for him. Because he'd rather be Chris', publicity and all, then have privacy and no Chris.

Taking a deep breath to gather his thoughts, trying to figure out what he'd say, he knocked.

Chris opened the door rather quickly and poked his head out; when he recognised Zach he stilled. A whole plethora of emotion played over his face; first came surprise and then in quick succession apprehension, nervousness, longing, fear, happiness, love and guilt, almost too quickly to recognise them all if Zach didn't know him so well.

"Come in," he said quietly and stepped back, holding the door open for him, closing it when he was inside. Zach turned around to face him and paused. Chris was wearing boxers and a light blue t-shirt he had never seen on him before and it was obviously a little too small for him, as if he had washed it too hot—it stretched over his shoulders and chest and barely covered his hipbones. Any shorter and it would have screamed 'gay' at anyone who saw it with neon colours so big and loud that nobody would have been able to deny it. The colour made his eyes seem darker, especially in the golden light that Chris' dressing room was bathed in. "Hey," he said, but made no move towards him; it made Zach's heart clench uncomfortably and he swallowed quickly.

"We need to talk."

"Uh, yeah." Chris motioned towards the small sofa, realised there was a lot of stuff on it (from clothes over magazines and books to balled up paper and empty soda cans) and quickly moved to push everything to one side, making Zach wince. But he didn't say anything, just sat down and waited until Chris had pushed his chair—the only one that was free in the small room—closer to face Zach and sat down. His ears were red with embarrassment, and usually Zach found that cute; this time not so much because it had been very long since Chris last had been nervous about him. This time it worried him.

"So," Chris said when a silence threatened to take over. "How have you been doing?"

They both winced; that sounded like the kind of awkward conversation exes had when they accidentally met too soon after their breakup.

Zach decided to stop stalling and get it on the table now; anything was better than this. "Not so good. Why haven't you been answering my calls?"

"Oh." Chris ducked his head and lowered his gaze. "That. I'm. I'm sorry, I just- that was pretty awful of me, wasn't it? I just needed some time to think some stuff over, is everything. I left everything at home, except my credit card. I needed some- distance."

"You weren't at home."

"No. No, I went to a hotel, needed a change in scenery." Chris glanced up, then immediately looked away again.

Zach swallowed. "We both know what this is about. You're angry because I don't want our relationship to become public."

Still not looking at him, Chris only nodded and bit his lower lip.

"Chris, why- why can't it be enough for you, just us? Why do you want to turn it into a spectacle?"

"I don't!" Chris looked appalled with the thought. "I just- I mean, I just don't get it. I want to hold hands and not have to worry about the paps, I want to be able to smile at you and don't feel apprehensive because someone might notice it's a smile for your other half, not your best friend. I want to- I just want to stop all that stuff. I want to be able to walk your dog, dressed in your t-shirt, without anyone making a fuss. I just don't understand why you don't want that."

Zach drew a breath and reached to pull Chris' hand between his. "I do want that. I want that very much actually. What I don't want is this, what we have, to be splashed across all those ridiculous tabloids, for so-called 'friends' to suddenly pop up and tell lies about us, for everyone to watch every our move with baited breath. I don't want them to dissect our relationship, pick it apart until it's nothing more but- but a cheap celebrity scoop or a ridiculously cheesy love story. Because- because you won't be able to walk Noah in my t-shirt without going blind with the flashlights. Hell, you can't eve go buy a damn bottle of water _now_ without your picture popping up all over the internet, it's ridiculous. How much worse do you think it's going to be when we disclose that we're together?" He wrapped Chris' hand around his and pulled it up to his lips, kissed each knuckle. "It's not about shame, Chris. Never think I'm anything but proud of this, of us. Please."

"No! No, I don't think that, Zach. _God_." Chris quickly stood and straddled Zach's lap, pulled his head into his chest and hugged him. Zach immediately slung his arms around him and held him close. "God, Zach. I really scared you, didn't I? I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I just didn't really think." He buried his fingers in Zach's hair and kissed the top of his head. "I was an inconsiderate, selfish idiot. I wouldn't ever- I _couldn't_ ever leave you. Never. If you don't want us to become public, we won't. We'll stay secret. Our friends and family know, that's most important, right?"

"No," Zach replied into Chris chest, then pulled away a little to look him in the eyes. "No, we'll go public. You're right, it's no big deal, and I want you, Chris. You're mine, and the world can know that for all I care."

"No, we don't need to. It bothers you, so I don't want it. I don't want to do it just because _I_ want it, it won't make either of us happy. So we won't." Chris shook his head, a determined expression on his face.

For a moment they stared at each other, Zach with vague disbelief and Chris with dawning realisation on his face, until they both burst out giggling.

"That, that was absurd!", gasped Chris when he had calmed down, an amused grin remaining on his face. "We seriously just switched opinions and were serious about it, weren't we?"

"Totally." Zach rolled his eyes. It _was_ absurd, but it didn't really surprise him, for some reason.

"Lean back," Chris ordered softly, pulling him out of his thoughts, and Zach obeyed. Chris folded his legs on one side and nestled his cheek into his collarbone, curled up on his chest. Wrapping one arm around his boyfriend's shoulder, Zach reached with the other to caress Chris' cheek, trace the shell of his ear and his yaw line, run his fingers through his hair. For a long while, they just sat like that until Chris sighed and pulled away to look at Zach. "We'll do it like this," he said. "We won't have a public declaration or press conference or anything vaguely like that. But we won't hide anymore either. I mean, we won't suddenly run around snogging and joined at the hip or something, we'll just be ourselves, hold hands when we feel like it and stuff. If anyone asks about our relationship, we won't deny it, but we don't have to tell them anything else either. And if anyone asks about our sexuality, we'll just tell them the truth: it's none of their business. What do you think?"

Zach thought about it. Both their agents would probably have a bit to say about that plan, but to be honest, he didn't care much. Not giving any press release sounded good, not denying as well; it was a good compromise, they both got partly what they wanted. "Yeah, let's do it. Our agents will probably eat us for breakfast if we don't warn them first, though."

"Pff, like I care, but we can call them tomorrow if you want to."

"I want to. Honestly, I can't believe your agent still likes you with the way you treat her."

"It's my natural boy charm," Chris winked.

"Wonderful. Can you and your natural boy charm kiss me now?"

Of course they could, and Chris didn't waste a second to prove it to him. At first they shared only short, more or less close-mouthed kisses as if they needed to get familiar with each other again; then Chris deepened one kiss and suddenly they were right in the middle of a full snogging session, roaming hands following included. Chris pushed Zach's cardigan down his shoulders and then went for the buttons on his shirt; Zach was happy with rubbing his hands underneath the ridiculously tight t-shirt up and down Chris' back, around his waist, over his stomach and chest and back again.

"Where did you get that thing?", he asked when they pulled apart to breathe. "It's too small, and it's cheap." The seams had protested when Zach had pulled at it; he guessed it'd rip if he pulled too hard.

"Had to buy some clothes at the hotel," Chris panted back. "Didn't bring anything."

Zach shook his head and pulled him closer. "Don't do that to me again, you hear me?"

"I won't," Chris replied and grabbed Zach's cheeks with both hands to tilt his face up, gave him a soft kiss. "Promise. I'm sorry."

"I know. Stop apologising." Zach led his hands slide down to rest on Chris' ass. "Sex now?"

Chris laughed, delighted because usually he was the one who encouraged Zach to have sex anywhere vaguely public. "You honestly want to have sex in my dressing room? Horny bastard!" He reached to carelessly push all the stuff on the sofa onto the ground and grinned when Zach tolled his eyes then threw his arms up, waiting for him to pull his shirt over his head with one raised eyebrow.

"It's entirely your fault," he said, voice a little muffled by the shirt. "I didn't get any action in three whole days because of you!"

"Well, I'll have to rectify that…" Chris murmured and pushed Zach on his back, went down with him to mouth at his collarbone. "This…", he whispered, breath ghosting over Zach's moist skin.

Zach sighed and let him nuzzle his neck for a while, feeling lazy and content, even with the excitement trickling down his spine into his stomach the longer nothing happened. When he wasn't able to bear the tension anymore, he grabbed Chris at the waist and flipped them around, careful not to topple them off the sofa. He leant into Chris to give him a slow, deep, toe-curling kiss, and when he was sure Chris was completely breathless and dizzy, he pulled away and slid down his body, pulling his boxers down to his ankles to get full view of his hard cock.

When Chris' breath audibly hitched, he grinned and winked up at him—Chris was watching his every move with wide eyes, mouth open, lips wet. He whined low in his throat as Zach leant in to lap at his hard flesh with the tip of his tongue, then gasped when he suddenly licked him broadly from base to tip. Carefully minding his teeth, Zach wrapped his lips around the sensitive tip and suckled only a little, then a little more when Chris whimpered his name, and a little more still when he did it again. Then he kept it at that level for a while, humming lowly when Chris' voice turned pleading and generally enjoying the way Chris slowly came apart, trying to keep himself from rolling his hips but failing, stopped only by Zach's hands that quickly took hold of his hipbones to push him into the sofa. Chris' hands were fluttering over his head and shoulders, running through his hair, sliding over his own stomach to push up his sweaty shirt. His thighs were trembling, and Zach knew if he continued like this, Chris would come. Not ready for that yet, he gave one last, hard suck, causing Chris to moan out, and pulled back.

"Zach-", Chris protested weakly and tried to simultaneously reach for him and for his cock, but Zach quickly grabbed his wrists and straddled him. "Not yet," he ordered, voice rough, and bent low to initiate another kiss. Chris' hips twitched under him, trying to find some friction, but when he had to realise that he wouldn't be allowed to, he relaxed with a sigh and sucked Zach's tongue into his mouth. When he had calmed down enough, Zach pulled back, panting heavily. "Lube?", he asked and was glad it came out vaguely clear.

"Vaseline," Chris replied and waved loosely towards the dressing table. Crinkling his nose, Zach gave him one warning glance, then stood and gathered said container. Turning around he found that Chris had obeyed; his hands were lying on both sides of his head, and he looked utterly dishevelled—lips red and swollen, eyes hazy, hair unruly, shirt bunched up under his arms, revealing a heaving chest and hard nipples, cock red and heavily resting on his stomach. Because the sofa wasn't long enough for him, his legs were bent at the knees, muscles flexing in a way that made Zach want to bite him.

He licked his licks, shimmied out of his pants and straddled Chris again, who had been following his every move with his eyes. While he unscrewed the container, he leant forwards to nip lightly at Chris chin only to have his face cupped and pulled upwards for another kiss. Grinning, he playfully placed the container on Chris' chest, but returned the kiss while dipping his fingers in the Vaseline, making sure enough of the thick gel was spread on them before he moved his hand to his anus and started to prepare himself. He deliberately evaded his prostate; he was just as close to coming as Chris was and he didn't want it to be over after a few thrusts—he wanted to enjoy the feeling of Chris sheathed in him, feel the pulse of them when they moved in the same rhythm, one.

Chris shifted underneath him as a moan echoed in their mouths; Zach realised it came from him. Lost in his thoughts, he had rubbed his cock into Chris' stomach while his fingers scissored in him; he quickly raised his hips again and Chris whined at the loss of contact. Peeling his mouth away from his boyfriend's, Zach panted loudly, gasping for breath as he tried to calm himself down even while he slipped his third finger into himself.

"Zach," Chris whined, eyes and voice full of desire, and with a groan, Zach pulled his fingers out, gathered more Vaseline and carelessly slathered it on Chris' cock, who moaned and rolled his spine, only to buckle upwards the moment Zach lowered himself onto his hard flesh. He slid in effortlessly, but slowly, and they both held their breaths until Chris was in to the balls. For one breathless moment, neither of them moved; then Chris' hips twitched, and suddenly Zach surged upwards only to slam down again. They both moaned and quickly set into a fluid, hard rhythm; Chris' hands settled on Zach's hips, fingers flexing and unflexing, while Zach sought leverage on his boyfriend's shoulders. They moved smoothly, with experience; they knew the other's buttons, preferences, and used this knowledge to the fullest. Chris moved his hips up at every thrust to hit Zach's prostate in that angle he loved; Zach clamped his muscles down on him when he was deepest inside, and they both moaned each other's name. It didn't take them long at all until they were ready to come, but they both tried to hold it off for as long as they could.

It was Zach who came first; Chris suddenly let go of his hips with one hand and wrapped it around his cock, tugged a few times, and then he was already coming, throwing his head back, groaning his name. When his body tightened around him, Chris came as well, quickly muffling his shout in the crook of his elbow.

When Zach could think vaguely clear again, he was lying half on top of Chris, their sweat was cooling on their skin as well as his come, and Chris arms were around his neck, one hand between his shoulder blades and one in his hair. He was tingling all over and his heart was beating strongly in his ears, but he was much more aware of the soft wash of Chris breath over his jaw and neck, of the slight up and down movement of his arm that was lying across Chris' chest.

He looked up and found Chris watching him with an expression on his face so tender it made his chest tight.

"I love it when you do that," he said, voice as soft as his expression.

"What?", Zach whispered back, a little breathless and not because of physical exertion this time.

"You become so… soft, afterwards," Chris said, and the hand in his hair slid down to caress his cheek. "So… pliant. Like… I don't know. I could ask you anything and you'd not be able to reply. You just… put your arms around me and snuggle into me, and you're so warm and alive and… it's really hard to explain."

"Hm," Zach made, blinking a little. He didn't quite know what to say, but before he had to figure it out, Chris grinned and slid closer to give him a soft, chaste kiss. "It's not important," he said. "Just a thing you do. And I like it." He leant in again to give Zach another, lingering kiss and then continued, without pulling back, lips moving against Zach's, "I love you."

Zach licked both their lips before he replied "I love you too." Then he leaned in for another kiss, and it was a long while before they peeled away from each other, got dressed and left.


End file.
